


Things My Little Brother Asks

by DanaEliza



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gaara asking questions, Just speech, M/M, Pre-Shippuden, Short Chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 15:38:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4268832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanaEliza/pseuds/DanaEliza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaara asks Kankuro and Temari the most embarrassing questions and they need to find the right way to answer them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kankuro Masturbates

**Author's Note:**

> A new crack fic where Gaara asks his siblings embarrassing questions. Gaara is very unknowing, so doesn't get anything and therefore asks everything. Temari ist he protective sister and Kankuro the teasing brother that likes to mess with his siblings. These will be their crack personalities. The chapters will be short little conversations with just speech, so you can imagine the facial expressions and the pauses they probably need.

'Temari?'

'Yes, Gaara.'

'You know when Kankuro closes his bedroom door and tells us to not come in for about an hour?'

'Yeah…'

'What does he do in his room then?'

'Uhh, he then, uhh, he works on his puppets then. You like to be on your own as well, right? When you're practising with your sand and stuff?'

'Yes, but I don't do that in my bedroom and I thought Kankuro had a special room to work on his puppets. So it seems highly illogical he works on his puppets in his bedroom.'

'Shi… I mean, no it's more like personal work on his puppets. So it's special puppets he takes to his bedroom. It's like a private moment with something that Kankuro holds very dear.'

'Ooh, now I understand why he had the puppet in such a weird position when I did walk in on him during the forbidden hour. Thanks, Temari!'

'Wha? Wait, Gaara. What do you mean with puppet in a weird position?'


	2. Temari uses tampons

'Kankuro?'

'What do you want, Gaara?'

'Do you know what this is? Temari seems to use them every month, but she never tells me why or what they do.'

'What do you… uhh. Gaara, those are girly things, so it's not necessary for us to know what they do or what they are for or where they are supposed to go into.'

'So they go in somewhere? Where do they go into? And if you know what they do, then I can know as well, right?'

'Yeah, but, Gaara. Come on. This is things for girls. This is awkward. You can't ask your brother these things.'

'But Temari won't answer me and I don't see why it is awkward. They are just soft little white stick thingies. I can't even imagine they can go in somewhere.'

'They are tampons, okay?! Girls use them when they are on their period and they stick them up there… You know.'

'No, I don't know.'

'Don't they teach you anything anymore nowadays? I am not giving you the birds and the bees talk. Forget it!'

'Wait, but Kankuro. I still don't know what they do!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Facebook to get more updates about my writing life!  
> https://www.facebook.com/DanaaEliza?ref=aymt_homepage_panel


	3. Sai likes penis

'Temari?'

'What do you want, Gaara? Make it quick, I'm in a hurry.'

'Do you know how Sai always talks about Naruto's penis?'

'Uhh, I guess. I'm not really sure what you mean by that.'

'Well, Naruto once complained that Sai always talks about his penis and how it is really small and things like that, but I didn't really see the problem. Is it bad that a penis is small and when is it small and why would Sai care if Naruto's penis is small or not?'

'Those are a lot of questions about penises, Gaara. Why don't you ask your brother about this? He certainly knows a lot more about penises and why they are supposed to be big and stuff.'

'But I asked Kankuro and he said I should go to you, because you've seen so many that you would understand better.'

'What did Kankuro say?!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Facebook to get more updates about my writing life!  
> https://www.facebook.com/DanaaEliza?ref=aymt_homepage_panel


	4. Naruto takes a peek

'Kankuro, may I ask you something?'

'I'm a little busy here, but shoot.'

'You know how Naruto came to visit the other day and how we went to the hot springs?'

'Yeah, what about it?'

'Well, Naruto kept trying to take a peek into the women's bath. Why would Naruto want to do that? It's the same kind of bath, right?'

'Oh, uhh, well. When a man reaches a certain age they will find the need to look at girls a lot more, preferably naked.'

'But I am just as old as Naruto and I don't feel the need to look at girls and why would someone want to see them naked?'

'Some boys just mature faster than others and why they have to be naked is another question you can go ask Temari.'

'Naruto is definitely not more mature than me and apparently he knows.'

'Stop pouting and go sulk somewhere else. Someday you'll be interested in girls or guys for that matter.'

'Why guys?'

'Oh god, Gaara…'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Facebook to get more updates about my writing life!  
> https://www.facebook.com/DanaaEliza?ref=aymt_homepage_panel


	5. Gaara reads a book

'Temari?'

'Can't we talk about this later, Gaara? I'm reading a good book and weren't you reading something as well?'

'But I want to ask something about the book.'

'Fine… What is it?'

'Well, I borrowed this book from Naruto who borrowed this book from Kakashi and…'

'You are reading one of the old man's books? Gaara, you can't read those books! They are dirty!'

'But…'

'No, I don't want to hear it. Give me the book and I'll return it to Kakashi and then lecture him on how you can't give these books to under aged kids.'

'Temari, I just…'

'I can't believe you were even reading this. You know what kind of books Kakashi reads. You are above this, Gaara.'

'But Temari, I just wanted to know when the movie comes out here. Naruto told me that it's being turned into a movie and I want to see it.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Facebook for updates on my writing life!  
> https://www.facebook.com/DanaaEliza?ref=aymt_homepage_panel


	6. Gaara plays with condoms

'Gaara, what are you doing?'

'Filling up water balloons.'

'How did you get balloons. Wait, Gaara where did you get those?'

'I got them from Kankuro's room. He told me they were balloons when I asked him about it and I thought it would be fun to have a balloon fight with them. They do have quite an odd shape though.'

'Uh, that's because they are not balloons.'

'I thought it was a little strange that they were so slippery, but I thought it would make them stretch easier. They do hold quite some water. But what are they then?'

'Uhh, they, uhh. No, I was mistaken. They are balloons. Now go have fun with them.'

'Okay.'

'No, wait! No, Gaara. Don't throw them at me!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Facebook for updates on my writing life!  
> https://www.facebook.com/DanaaEliza?ref=aymt_homepage_panel


	7. Gaara wants to know about the birds and the bees

'Temari, can I ask you something?'

'What is it now, Gaara?'

'Can you explain me something about the birds and the bees?'

'Wait, you want to know about…? Okay, well I guess you are old enough to know, but I am not sure what you want to know about this. Don't they teach you this at the academy or something?'

'We have to do some sort of project about it and they told us to ask anyone who might know something about it and I thought you were pretty smart. You must know something about it.'

'Well, yeah, uhh. When a man and a woman love each other, they uhh… They will feel the need to express it in a certain way and that usually results into sex. Another word for it is making love.'

'I'm not sure what this has to do with birds and bees and how they can be used by ninjas, but what is sex?'

'Wait, you were really asking about birds and bees?! Gaara, why didn't you say so! Oh god…'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Facebook for updates on my writing life!  
> https://www.facebook.com/DanaaEliza?ref=aymt_homepage_panel


	8. Kankuro doesn't want to explain

'Kankuro, what is sex?'

'…'

'…'

'Why do you want know now what it is?'

'Temari started talking about it yesterday when I asked about birds and bees.'

'Of course that damn sister of yours…'

'She's also your sister.'

'I know that, Gaara! Then why don't you ask our sister about it?'

'Because she didn't want to talk about it afterwards once I told her I asked about actual birds and bees, but now I want to know what sex is.'

'It's uh… When a man and a woman love each other…'

'Temari already got that part. I want to know what sex is.'

'If you're going start like this, then I am not even going to tell you anymore!'

'Hey, you're supposed to explain these things to me! Kankuro, wait!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Facebook for updates on my writing life!  
> https://www.facebook.com/DanaaEliza?ref=aymt_homepage_panel


	9. Shukaku knows what sex is

'Why doesn't anyone want to explain to me what sex is?'

_Maybe I can help you out in some way, kid?_

'Yeah, right. And then you'll find a way to take over again and then destroy the village. No, thank you.'

_I will seriously tell you about sex, kid. You have my word._

'Fine, give it a shot.'

_Well, it all starts with a man and a woman being together. Can be any place they like, because why focus on a bed? Also not just humans do this. Then the man…(gets too graphic to actually write out)… And then a baby pops out being all yucky and covered in goo._

'…'

_You still don't understand, kid? I certainly did my best to make everything is vivid as possible._

'I am never speaking to you again and I will die a virgin.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Facebook for regular updates on my writing life!  
> https://www.facebook.com/DanaaEliza?ref=aymt_homepage_panel


	10. Gaara uses make-up

'Gaara, what are you doing?'

'Using your make-up.'

'Using my make-up? For what on earth do you need make-up for?'

'Kankuro said I looked weird.'

'You know your brother only messes with you. Now stop using it for whatever you are using it and come down for dinner.'

'But Kankuro said I looked weird without eyebrows. Everyone has eyebrows, but I don't.'

'But, Gaara… Oh my, Gaara! That doesn't mean you should draw them so they look like Rock Lee's!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Facebook for regular updates on my writing life!  
> https://www.facebook.com/DanaaEliza?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Facebook to get more updates about my writing life!   
> https://www.facebook.com/DanaaEliza?ref=aymt_homepage_panel


End file.
